We don’t often think about friendships ending, especially with a close friend. But these ‘breakups’ can be just as painful, if not more, than the end of a romantic relationship.
As we navigate the different stages of life, especially in our 20s – such as graduating from university, working our first job, and possibly getting into more serious romantic relationships – it can be hard to maintain close bonds with a dear friend as you both grow and change.
Some friendships weather the storm of life; some, unfortunately, don’t. You might have drifted apart due to lack of effort and time, got ghosted out of the blue, had a big conflict, or realised that they were a toxic friend which made your bond break with them.
Whatever the reason, it is never easy moving on from a close friend with whom you shared good memories and shared interests. It can be perplexing to navigate our emotions post-friend-breakup as we ponder where it all went wrong, who was wrong, and whether we could have acted differently.
There’s also no shame in admitting if it has taken a toll on your emotional wellbeing; after all, you valued, respected, and cared for them.
So, if you’re struggling to move on from a close friendship breakup, here are five steps to help you process the difficult situation, find your peace, and move on.
Acknowledge, Feel, and Reflect
Acknowledge what happened and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Whether that is sadness, anger, betrayal, or numbness, it can be really tempting to run away from all the negative emotions you might be having if you have just lost a close friend.
To do this, set some time apart. You could sit with your thoughts, journal, or write a letter about what you might say to this friend, expressing your thoughts and feelings from your perspective.
You could also speak to someone you trust, a close friend, a family member, or even a therapist who can help you acknowledge, express, and articulate your experience and feelings when it might be difficult to do so.
All of these will allow you to acknowledge what happened, give your feelings the space and time to be felt, and allow you to gain a clearer understanding of why things have not worked out.
And lastly, find purpose in your experience, and realise the role you played in the friendship breakup through some reflection. You can incorporate this once you have gone through the ‘acknowledgement’ and ‘feel’ phases above.
Establishing Space
Like with a romantic relationship, if you want to get over a friendship break up, you have to limit your contact with them. If you are keeping tabs on their social media posts and stories, or hangout in mutual friendship groups, it could make moving on difficult.
Taking space away from them does not have to be forever. It could be in little ways such as muting them on social media, or asking your mutual friends not to share any news with you regarding your former friend.
Do Things With Your Other Friends
Invest in your other friendships. Perhaps there is someone who has close friend potential, but you haven’t had the time and capacity to juggle another good friend. Now is the time to reach out to your existing friends and see where your relationships take you.
The key is to go in with little expectations (so you’re not simultaneously dealing with yet another possible rejection/disappointment when you might be feeling uneasy about friendships in general).
Self-care
Thinking about the friendship breakup does come with its risks such as being too consumed with the rumination to the point where we might neglect our self-care.
While it’s important to allow time to heal from the loss of a friend, it’s equally crucial to take care of oneself and listen to our mind and body in the meantime.
Prioritising activities that make you feel good – whether it’s exercising, meditating, picking up a creative hobby, or simply resting – all can help rebuild your sense of self outside of the friendship.
Engaging in this sort of self-care isn’t about distracting yourself from the feelings, but about actively nurturing your well-being as you process the loss.
Making New Friends
Especially if you share a friendship group with your former pal, meeting new people can help you regain a sense of social belonging and ease the transition. It might feel intimidating at first, but expanding your circle can bring new energy and perspectives into your life.
At The Great Friendship Project, we host friendship-oriented events to help you find friends and meaningful connections all whilst having fun at some of London’s most exciting places.
By trying to find a new friend, you’re not looking to replace your old friend, but rather giving yourself the opportunity to let go of them and move on to better people who fit your growth and values.
You might be upset right now over the loss of a friendship but reframe your perspective by taking this as a journey for self-discovery, more growth, and healing.
At The Great Friendship Project, we host friendship-oriented events designed to help you find friends and meaningful connections, all whilst having fun at some of London’s most exciting activities.
By trying to find a new friend, you’re not looking to replace your old friend, but rather giving yourself the opportunity to let go of them and move on to better people who fit your growth and values.
Whilst you might be upset right now over the loss of a friendship, like with any ending – this is also a new beginning, a chance for personal growth, deeper self-awareness, and the opportunity to welcome people who truly align with your life and values.
