It can be upsetting and isolating to feel like you no longer have anything in common with a friend, close to you.

At its core, every friendship thrives on connection, compatibility, and feeling seen. When those feelings waver, it’s natural to question the strength of your friendships.

However, it’s important to remember that this experience is incredibly common. Doubting compatibility is a normal part of relationships, and it doesn’t necessarily mean your friendships are failing.

Every person and relationship is unique, and friendships evolve over time. Instead of seeing this as a crisis, it can be an opportunity—an invitation to reflect on your friendships, nurture them, and even create space for new meaningful connections.

1. The Building Blocks – How Do They Make You Feel?

A strong friendship is built on emotional connection, where both individuals feel understood, valued, and appreciated. When there is a deep emotional bond, friends can be open, vulnerable, and supportive of each other, creating a space where they feel safe to share their thoughts and experiences.

Equally important is mutual effort. A healthy friendship requires both people to invest in the relationship, making time for each other and showing care and consideration. If one person is always initiating conversations or making plans while the other shows little engagement, the friendship may feel unbalanced and unfulfilling.

Since no two friendships are the same, it can sometimes be difficult to assess whether one is healthy or worth maintaining. However, it can help by taking an honest look at your friendship and asking yourself:

• Do I feel respected and supported?
• Do I trust this friend?
• Do I still enjoy spending time with them?
• Do I feel energised or drained by their presence?
• Do I feel safe around them?

These questions help clarify whether your friendship is fulfilling or if underlying concerns need attention.

2. Compatibility

Friendship compatibility can be understood through different layers of connection, including shared experiences, communication styles, and emotional support. While some friendships are built on mutual interests, others may thrive on shared values or complementary personalities. Recognising what sustains your friendship can help you determine its long-term potential.

While interests, behaviours, and opinions are fluid and may evolve, values, passions, and personalities tend to be more stable over time.

The extent to which these impact a friendship can depend on how much weight each individual places on them.

• Interests vs. Passions – Interests are hobbies or activities that someone enjoys at a given time, such as trying out a new sport or watching a trending TV series. Passions, on the other hand, are deep, long-term pursuits that shape a person’s identity, like a lifelong love of traveling or a dedication to social activism. Friends may have different interests, but they can still find meaningful connection if they share similar passions – such as a drive for personal growth or a love of creativity. Equally, if someone feels their passions aren’t respected or if a friend becomes an obstacle in pursuing them, it is more likely to create tension in a friendship.

• Behaviours vs. Personalities – Behaviours reflect how people act in certain situations, which can change based on life circumstances, stress, or personal growth. Personalities, however, are more deeply ingrained and define how a person consistently interacts with the world. A friend might develop a new habit of canceling plans at the last minute because of a busy workload, which is frustrating but potentially temporary. However, if they have a fundamentally unreliable or disorganised personality and you highly value punctuality and order, this could create a long-term strain on the friendship.

• Opinions vs. Values – Opinions are shaped by experiences, learning, and external influences and can change over time. Values, on the other hand, are core beliefs about what is important in life, such as kindness, loyalty, or honesty. Friends can disagree on opinions – such as differing views on a movie or a political topic – but if their fundamental values align, they are more likely to respect and understand each other. However, if a friend consistently acts in a way that contradicts your values or pressures you to compromise on your own, the foundation of the friendship may weaken.

3. Identify What You Need and What’s Missing

Once you’ve reflected on the above, you might realise that some aspects are working for you and some are not.

Instead of immediately pulling away, it might be helpful to explore ways to overcome differences.

For example, if you and your friend have few shared interests but you trust them, enjoy spending time together, and share values, this could be a sign that you may need to find activities to do together.

If you have all the same interests and passions, but they are displaying behaviours that you don’t like or causing conflict, it may be necessary to have an open and honest conversation with them about how their actions make you feel.

4. Accepting Changing Connections

If you find that a friendship has changed in a way that no longer serves you, that personalities have shifted, priorities have changed, and the connection that once felt effortless is no longer quite as strong, it’s okay to acknowledge that.

In some cases, this means allowing the friendship to transition into a more distant relationship rather than cutting it off entirely.

Letting go of the expectation that all friendships must stay the same can be freeing – it doesn’t mean the relationship has “ended,” but rather that it has taken a different form.

If you do decide to put space and distance, that doesn’t always mean the end as some friendships can be revitalised over time and can often re-blossom in different circumstances.

And even if your friendship shifts or fades, the positive side is that it creates space for new connections. Instead of focusing energy on maintaining relationships that feel unfulfilling, you can channel it into cultivating fresh, meaningful friendships that provide better what you need.

So, while feeling like you have nothing in common with your friends can be difficult, it can also be an opportunity for reflection and growth.